1/25/2006

Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers


  • Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals".
  • Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy"
  • "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands".
  • Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
  • Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  • The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
  • The sermon this morning: "Jesus walks on the water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
  • Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a terrible experience".
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Weight Watchers will meet a 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
  • This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
  • Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
  • The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
  • Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
  • Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear, II. Disown your fear, III. Displace your rear
  • Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.
  • Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well with my Solo"
  • If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly.
  • Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford"
  • Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep.
  • As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing.
  • Fifth Sinday is Lent.
  • Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
  • Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
  • Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
  • For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
  • Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
  • Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
  • Volunteers are needed to spit up food.

Lora. Jayne at 8:05 PM

7comments

7 Comments

at Wednesday, January 25, 2006 Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG i love those bloopers it wasso funy when we first read them at your house (that was sooooo awesome)

 
at Thursday, January 26, 2006 Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wooohoooo!
Yay! I'm glad I showed you those. They're a barrel of laughs!

 
at Thursday, January 26, 2006 Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lol, it's funny how spell-check sometimes changes misspelt words to the wrong word.

 
at Friday, January 27, 2006 Blogger frisbeegurl said...

Yeaayy!! I like that thingie.. w00t!!

 
at Monday, January 30, 2006 Anonymous Anonymous said...

those are awsome!! some of the funiest things i've ever seen. lol

 
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at Tuesday, March 06, 2007 Anonymous Anonymous said...

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