1/12/2006
It's kind of funny, just yesterday I said I gave up on having a blog at all, and now i'm posting a huge mile long post. Sorry about my last post, it was kind of discouraging. If you're wondering why I randomly gave up on my blog, it's cause I gave up on so many other things. I gave up on so many things, and I felt like what I saw was what others saw in me.
I've been going through a lot of things over the last year. And it really built up even more than it ever has over the last month. I'm sorry for who i've been lately, I just haven't been myself at all.
Well I've got good news! I'm being fully honest when I saw things are going a LOT better. I came to realize that every single person in this life fits into a big puzzle that God has made. Different people fit their peice into different parts, and it makes a huge puzzle. I thought I was worthless, and wished I was never here. But through others and through God showing me the way through reading the bible and through so many of my friends. I realized that I too, along with everybody else, fit in to a part of life, and God has a perfect plan for my life. Weither I see it or not. Weither I feel him or not. I know he's always there. I'm a piece of that puzzle, and no one else can fit into the place that my peice is put.
God has me where I am for a reason. He has you here for a reason. Every single person is not without a purpose. I have to look up and realize that everything turns out for the best, weither I'm going through pain and trails for days months or years. He's going to use it for the best, and through painful times like theese, we all learn how to be more like him. Don't we? It's never pointless to go through pain and troubles. God allows every problem to turn out for the best of his perfect plan that he has for our life.
As for what else I've realized through this all is that I have AMAZING friends. Who are always going to be there for me no matter what. Thank you for all thoose who have encouraged me just so much in so many ways. Thank you for the prayers. I don't know how I would have made it here without thoose who have helped out not only over the last month, but throughout the whole last year. Thank you so much, I realized I have so many blessings, so many friends who will never leave my side no matter who I am.
I also realized sometimes you gotta take a step before you can find yourself. And I also realized that being yourself isn't what matters in life. I was so focused on finding myeslf again that I made up a part of me who I wasn't. Being who God wants you to be and being all you can for others and keeping him first in life is all that matters. Being yourself will come along with finding who you are in Christ. I hope this encourages somebody, I sure know i've learned a WHOLE lot over the last year. And i'm still learning more, i'm still going through some things. But I'm not hopeless, and I'm not going to give up. I'm not going to give up anymore and listen to Satans lies. I'm going to follow God and see what he has in store for me and follow him, knowing that he's the only one who I can walk with during hard times.
I also wrote a poetry about the pain i've been going through, I hope it will encourage some of you as it did me. I love you guys so much!!!! I couldn't ask for better friends. Thank you so much for all your comments, you're the reason I still have this blog. Well here's my poem, have a WONDERFUL day! And know that if you're going through something in life right now, you'll get through it, no matter how much pain it brings, even at times were it seems unbearable. You're not alone. God's with you every step you take. And out of this he's going to bring something bueatiful beyond your imagination! Love you!
I even wished I was erased from the begining of my birth
The darkness was surrounding my every thought
Hate was all I knew, but love was what I sought
I saw inside my self an empty and hollow heart
along came fear, I was quickly falling apart
I assumed that because of what I saw
that God inside me could never be true at all
My hope turned to a hopeless shattered mirror
Nothing look right, everything looked like a black smear
I had ran away from God and followed a nightmare
I followed the path that I built on my own
It took me so far away into the depths of the dark
away from feeling things right in my heart
It took me far away from coming back home
Making me scared, angry and alone
Don't let Satan again trick my eyes
Don't let me again wander and roam where he lies
Next time the tide begans to rise
Don't let me turn from you and despise
I was trapped undearneath a concrete floor
Satan had brought me lower than i'd ever felt before
I'm not at all going to let this happen anymore
I know what it's like to turn away from my very hearts core
Leaving God behind and trusting in him no more
It Will put you through much more then you've ever felt before
I'm tired of following the ways of myself, help me step up off the floor
Don't let me wonder aimlessly without you directing
Living by myself and turning from you is deffecting
Whatever the problem wiether it's big or small
Help me find you, I know you'll save me from this fall.
And we can be confident that he will listen to us
whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will.
1 John 5:14
We may not be able to see why things happen the way that they do. But in the end we will look back and see why everything happened the way it did. Everything fits together that happens for a reason. And through the hard times in life is when we learn how to be more like him and grow stronger in many ways. Take comfort and peace over running away. Cause God has a wonderful purpose for whats going on. I know it feels more like pain and punishment. But everything turns out for the best. Weither you struglle with something for days, months or years. Stay strong.
Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22
Satan prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for some victim to devour. Take a firm stand against him, and be strong in your faith.
1 Peter 5:8-9
God understands that we have weaknesses, but He doesn't want us to give up,
He wants us to come to Him.
Love you so much! God bless you, have a wonderful blessed day!
Lora. Jayne at 10:24 PM
4 Comments
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at Thursday, January 12, 2006
Lora. Jayne said... Hey Nichole! How are you doing?
Thanks for the comment! It's always encouraging & comforting to know when I'm not alone, when others have been through the same thing. Then again, I guess everybody has gone through this, and thoose who haven't probably will. Cause we all need strengthening and more wisdom about God. And most of us have to learn the hard way. But the joy that comes at the end of the tunnel and what you gain from all the pain is always going to be something beyond your imaganation. That's the good thing about going through trails and troubles.
P.S. I'm still praying for you while your in college, I hope things are going well!
Love ya, thanks for the comment!-
at Friday, January 13, 2006
said... YAY!
That's the best poem I'v ever seen! I'm saving it. It could and will become a song, I garuntee it. I'm so glad you're on the right track!-
at Friday, January 13, 2006
Rachel said...
Wow, Lora. You don't know how insanely happy I am for you!!!!!! I love you so much and it almost made me cry to see how God has given you hope and helped you see the beauty in life, even through pain and trials. The things you said were SO true and so powerful. I've been praying for you a whole lot and I will continue to pray for you as you follow Him. We all need the support of our friends. You know I'm always here for you, and if you ever need to talk again or just hang out please don't hesitate to tell me; I'm ready and willing to be there for you in any way I can. Heh, I am not perfect though, so even if I mess up, which I will and probably have, God will not. He is ALWAYS there. This is a long journey, with many times of joy and pain, but it's all worth it and as you said, each time of pain God will use to make something better than you could have imagined.
Your poem was absolutely beautiful and really powerful. Wow. You are amazing. God is amazing! He really does work through you so much, and I'm glad you can see that now. But yeah, your poem... was just incredible. Wow. I really have no words to describe it... just, wow.
Oh, I loved those verses you put at the end!! Some of those I don't remember.... they are all sooo powerful and encouraging! And very relevant to your post! Thank you for posting them!
Okay, I just thought this song might encourage you... it really encouraged me last semester. I included the album notes as well, as they are really powerful:
~~~
Album notes:
"No temptation has taken you except what is common to all men and women. But God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond your power to bear but with the temptation will also make a way out so that you will have the power to endure."
—1 Corinthians 10:13
Poems have their darker rhymes. Stories sometimes make us wait for a happy ending. So also the Father sometimes sings to us in minor keys. Those who refuse to listen to the deep meaning behind the song of darker days are sometimes driven to the edge. I have been there too.
Even from that dark point of view, by grace, we are able to see His love for us and find strength to move back from the edge and into waiting Arms. There we learn of the sufficiency of God's grace and to never enter the holy place of someone else's pain without the name of Jesus on our lips. There we learn that there is grace enough.
The Edge
by Michael Card
Most of us will never know
How dark this world can seem
When life becomes more nightmare than a dream
So to all of you who have survived
A visit to the edge
I trust that you will understand this pledge
I promise I will always leave
The darkness for the light
I swear by all that's holy
I will not give up the fight
I'll drink down death like water
Before I ever come again
To that dark place
Where I might make
The choice for life to end
I've found that as I've traveled
Through the inscape of my life
That mountain tops make valleys in between
And when that nameless sadness
Like a cloud comes over me
I look back on all the brightness I have seen
I promise I will always leave
The darkness for the light
I swear by all that's holy
I will not give up the fight
I'll drink down death like water
Before I ever come again
To that dark place
Where I might make
The choice for life to end
And realize that though my world
Might seem so torn apart
Most often it is joy that breaks the heart
And that I am the richest man
Though I must beg for bread
For the very One who might condemn
Has called me friend instead
I promise I will always leave
The darkness for the light
I swear by all that's holy
I will not give up the fight
I'll drink down death like water
Before I ever come again
To that dark place
Where I might make
The choice for life to end
I will always leave the darkness for the light
I will not give up the fight
~~~
I love you!!
Rache-
at Friday, January 13, 2006
Rachel said...
Sorry that was a HUGE comment!
