1/21/2006

I don't know if you guys remeber the Crimson Moonlight poem. But I worked on it a lot more, and changed it around a bit, comment and tell me if you like the change.

The mystical moonlight crawled across the glacial ground

As the dark starry skies wrapped my fears all around

A frightening cold wind shoved right on by

Echoing a moan from my souls mournful cry

Amidst the crimson moon, the sky and the night

I struggle to hold in all my fears and fright

But this mysterious night

Is Gods temporary art

Soon the sun will appear

and do it's joyous part

It will push the crimson moon far, far, away

And bring me to the peaceful light of a new wondrous day.

Tell me if you guys like the change, i'm sending it into a magazine and am trying to get it published. I doubt anything will happen, but it's worth a try I guess.

Love you all.

Lora. Jayne at 6:46 PM

5comments

5 Comments

at Saturday, January 21, 2006 Rachel said...: Lora, I LOVE that poem. The imagery is soooo beautiful. I think the changes are great. I hope it gets published, but even if it doesn't, know that your friends think it's really really amazing!!
at Saturday, January 21, 2006 Rachel said...: One more comment, I don't know if you're looking for suggestions or not, but just in case you are, I just looked over the old version on the other site, and there were a few things I really loved from that one as well... I really liked the ending, where it says

But for now I'll paint the memory in my mind
And rest my heart
Until this darkness will depart.

I don't know, I just like how that sounds... how it's slightly off the meter of the poem but it fits if put in the right place... I mean, it would need to have a certain amount of lines in front of it for it to fit, probably two more long lines, and I don't know if that would be possible. But it would be beautiful if worked onto the end somehow.

One more thing, I really liked the wording of that one line in the old version... "amidst the sky and the night and the dark, crimson moon" or something like that. I know it doesn't rhyme with the next line in your new version, but since the next line rhymes with a lot of others I don't think it has to. If you don't like how it sounds that's alright, but I love it and it just gives me the shivers, hehe.

I don't know if you can work any of this in or even if you'd want to, it's so beautiful already, but that's my two cents for what it's worth. If you ever want someone to really look it over with you I'd be happy to. But I think you've got an incredible poem here, though, no matter what you do. You are an amazing, amazing writer!!!!!
at Saturday, January 21, 2006 Herohtar said...: Coolness, I like it! What magazine are you sending it in to? I hope it gets published!
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at Tuesday, March 06, 2007 Anonymous said...: Keep up the good work »

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About Me:
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Well that's a good question that I haven't fully discovered yet. I am whoever God wants me to be. The problem is, I don't know who that is just yet. As for a shallow summary of me I can tell you this of myself, but it's the heart of a person that really matters. I love the scent of coffee & the sound of rain pelting upon the ground. I love a warm smile & the paintings within a museum. I love art & writing & express myself often within these two beautifully created works. I love love & I love loving anyone I can. However you may describe me, I am always simply me.