I was talking to David Nazworth online last night about growing up and getting older. We both were talking about how it was different than we thought it'd be. Ever sense I had that conversation with him, I haven't been able to stop thinking about what growing up really means.

After giving it a lot of thought, I finally came up with some answers.
And thinking about growing up brought me hope for my life.
If you have no idea what i'm talking about, just read the post, and you might understand.

Whenever I was 10 and 11, I always wanted to be older. I wanted to be a teenager because I thought it'd be so much better. Don't get me wrong, I was happy with being young and clueless about life, but I thought i'd be even happier and that'd I'd start to find the beauty and joy that life has to offer. I thought growing up had everything to do with more partys, more freedom and fun. It wasn't untill I got to where I thought I wanted to be that my thoughts were proved wrong.

It's got nothing to do with growing a year older or growing an inch taller. It's nothing that you'd think it'd be, untill you experiance it. It's not enjoyable, unless you make it. It's not about getting a good job and making lots of money or finally being deep and social while becoming popular and gaining friends.

It's not about gaining. It's about losing. Growing up has everything to do with losing it all. You're not growing up untill you've come to know that nothing within life satisfies. To me, growing up has been a huge dissapointment. I thought that the older I got, the more I'd understand life and the happier i'd be in my walk with God. However, everythings been the opposite. Growing up is all about trials. Growing up is when you've gone through every item on earth in order to find satisfaction, and have been left with nothing but a purposless and un-satisfied thirst. Growing up is when you finally realize what lifes all about and that nothing can satisfy you. Growing up is being dragged through triall after triall untill you become completely broken and hopeless. You're not grown up untill you come to the conclusion that your life is lived worthless. In order to start growing up you have to start walking that path of life. No matter how long your path is, no matter how many times you fall on your face, no matter how many times you have to restart all over, you're not growing up untill you start walking the steps. And you're never fully grown up because Gods always got more ways of growing you up. You're not growing up untill you know that life is all about God.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

Thinking about it makes me feel hope within what i'm going through.
I now know that Gods not torturing me. He's not leaving me here to die alone.
He's not sitting there while letting me waste my life.
Instead, he's breaking the horrible stupid child I am
and he's growing me up into something better.

I'm the clay and he's the potter.
I've been sitting on a shelf and doing nothing.
So i've dried up, cracked, become lost and alone.
In order for him to change me he has to break me completely and then rebuild me.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that In order to find the light you have to go through so much darkness first. But it's all worth it in the end.
And God has a beautiful plan behind it for your life.

Without trials we'd be less than what we already are to began with.
At the moment, i'm glad Gods giving me trials.
I haven't felt this peaceful and calm for the longest time.

I hope this post encourages somebody who has no hope for their life.
Know that without going through difficult times we'd have no need for God.
Without difficult times we'd always be cracked jars sitting on shelfs with no way to be broken and rebuilt. We'd never know what it feels like to be something more.

There's a lot of light within darkness.
I never thought i'd find myself being happy about going through things,
but right now? I am.

I've gotta go, but before I do I just want to give a shoutout to David Nazworth. Thanks David for bringing this topic up in the first place! You're an amazing person. I miss you so much. I hope that you'll find the hope that I did within growing up. I hope i've helped you answer some of the questions we both had when we were talking yesterday.

Well, i've gotta go. Love you all so much!